Broken

A lot of the time I find myself feeling broken. It sucks. I really want to find that forever kind of love where I know that person wants me and only me. The person I can't wait to come home to. But I feel like may e there is something about me that prevents me from finding this. I also really want to have another child, but at the same time (being single and all) I don't know if that is ever going to happen. Yes, I'm aware I'm young and have plen of time, but I don't want to wait until Kaitlin is in high school to start back at square one. sigh.

Changes

My current relationship status is that of being single. After considering all of my options, I decided that working on being friends is the best option. (And after being told the decision was up to me) Was it easy? No. Does it hurt? Yes. Do I feel at peace with the decision? Yes. It isn't that I don't care, but instead I care about my own happiness more. So I'm focusing on me again (or trying to) and finding that lasting relationship that is centered on friendship, trust, and beliefs. I'm looking for that someone who supports me as much as I support them. Someone who wants marriage and children. Will I go back to the one I was with? At this point, my answer is no. The issue we have is a recurring one and I can't continue to allow myself into that toxic situation anymore. I'm not sure he has realized I was serious when I said "let's just be friends." So, if any of my very few readers have suggestions, I am all ears on tips on how to return to the dating pool. (shudder)

Insanity

The recent events in my life are starting to culminate into the Albert Einstein quote on insanity. If I can't be honest with myself here, where can I? My current relationship is following the path it normally does, which always ends up with me feeling insignificant. Part of me realizes the other does not do this intentionally, but is it a feeling I should live with? Do I continue to repeat myself to try and get this person to realize my needs? Further, if I bring the bible parable in about a foundation built on rock, it adds a new level. Even way back when, our relationship has been built more on the physical side of things. As I get older, I realize I need more than that. Any lasting relationship (in y opinion) is built like a partnership. Both parties work towards the betterment of the pair. Yes, you can have separate interests, but both should encourage the other to be their best. To push them towards their goals and dreams. To support them when times are rough. And I really feel this area is lacking. My job can be stressful at times, and during those times I need someone to push me through the stress, not wish I had a different job or boss. That doesn't push me to be a better person, that pushes me to seek a different option than to succeed with where am. I don't know what is going to happen. I just know I want to feel loved, cherished, and an equal partner.