Christianity and the Metaphysical and Energetic Realms- A Multi-part Post

Hey there visitors! Rather than recreate the wheel and starting a whole new blog, I'm unearthing one from the past.
Long, lost readers of the past, this will still be my ramblings albeit a smidge more focused on things from my professional life. However, my professional and personal lives greatly overlap and are kinda one and the same.
New readers, I'm leaving the old stuff up as a testament to the brokenness found inside of all of us. Everyone has skeletons, everyone has things they are trying to stay on top of and things they are trying to work through. Even more importantly, everyone has things they are repeatedly working through that are a constant struggle.
Celebrate the victories, no matter how small. Progress is progress.
Onward and upward, time to get to the post the title suggests.

In my line of work, there are many avenues of education and focus one can take. Initially, my planned path was one of manual therapy, one that dealt in physical disfunction and the correction of those things. Life has a way of taking the best laid plans and turning them upside down.
My path into the energetic realm of massage therapy began during my college coursework for massage therapy. We were given a family tree of sorts that listed a large quantity of modalities that fall under the umbrella of massage. I have a bit of rebellious or comical nature, depending on your view, so I chose the one that sounded the most obscure. My choice was lomi lomi. Little did I know that one casual, or serendipitous, decision was going to be the fuel to my soul's purpose. I completed the assignment, got an 'A' (I'm a perfectionist when it comes to schoolwork) and started searching for training in this modality.
Fast forward through an Associate's of Applied Science in Therapeutic Massage, a national exam and one professional license later, and I was on a plane to Tampa, Florida to take a workshop on Sacred Lomi. During one of the first hands on experiences, at the completion, I felt like I was going to explode. I had sooo much energy coursing through my body and no knowledge on how to release it. The assistant teacher saw I was in distress and taught me a very effective way to release this unneeded energy.
So, I'm in Florida, hugging a palm tree, asking the earth to absorb this excess energy. I literally felt energy leaving my person like water from a faucet. I thanked the earth for the help and resumed the training.
Lomi lomi will always hold a special place in my heart for this introduction into a new level of awareness.

So, this is a lot longer than I thought. This viewpoint/story will have to continue on in a multi-part adventure.

Anxiety of a social nature

So, I'm using this as a sounding board/place to get it out.
I'm beginning to wonder if I have a form of social anxiety. For as much as I want to be part of a group, I beat myself up after social interactions. I fear that people think negatively of me. For example, I introduced myself to someone my husband works with today. Just a brief hi, I'm me, im married to him. And all night I've worried that I came off like an idiot.
It really sucks. I want to make friends in this new place, but I feel like I'm always holding a part of myself back. I'm just waiting for the rejection to occur. To be deemed unworthy of friendship.

It really feels like a vicious cycle. I want to meet people, I meet people, I stress out that said people hate me for some character flaw I have.

And the sad part is I know a lot of it is ridiculous. I know I'm a friendly person. I know that people like me.

Thanks for reading, just needed to get it out.

It's A....

Girl for us! We are excited to know the sapling is a girl (with 99.9% confidence from the tech).
The older girl is over the moon excited to have a baby sister on the way and has already told me she will be spoiling her rotten.

TJ has begun construction of the man cave.


There are still a number of big changes on the horizon, but I'm trying my best to go with the flow and just let everything happen as it may.

19 weeks

Wow. Almost to the halfway point already. I had the anatomy scan of our little sapling yesterday. The doctor said everything looks perfect.
It is odd to be having such an easy pregnancy after all the pain and suffering involved in the IVF process I went through a few years ago.
That time has impacted my thoughts on this pregnancy. I don't take (well I try not to) for granted the ease involved in this pregnancy. The beginning was filled with thoughts of everything that could go wrong. That has tapered off for the most part, especially after seeing the cute sapling yesterday.

Thursday is when I (we) finally get to open the sex reveal envelope. With my significant other being in training, he wasn't able to attend. I thought it was a moment we should share, and I do hope he gets to go to some of my future appointments.

Life is crazy and hectic. I don't know how others keep up with a full time job, pregnancy, home, and another child (or children). I'm beat trying to keep everything floating. It stresses me out, but I know it is only for awhile longer.

And if the above wasn't enough, my daughter's hormone levels are EVERYWHERE. She is yelling at me one moment and apologizing for yelling two minutes later. It is a miracle my mom didn't kill us all while we were in this phase. sigh.

17 weeks

Wow, this is moving quickly and I'm realizing I'm a horrible blogger/recorder of my life.
In general, things are going well. My doctor keeps telling me I'm perfect (boost to the ol' ego). I'm tired and emotional. TJ thinks my crazy emotions and other pregnancy induced moments of crazy are "cute". I think he needs to stop laughing at me. LOL
I feel like I'm huge, but other people are saying you can barely tell I'm pregnant.

We get to find out the sex of the baby the week before Thanksgiving. We are excited. I'm hoping for a boy (as is TJ and everyone else), but TJ thinks it is going to be a girl.

Otherwise, Kaitlin is excited about being a big sister.
 
I bought the first thing for baby (a book called "Kiss Kiss" which was purchased purely for the baby hippo). We also received the first gift for baby (a very generous gift card).

5 weeks pregnant

Holy moly. We are expecting another child. I'm happy and scared shitless. Going through infertility treatments so many years ago, I wished for this day.  Now that it is here, I have trouble believing it is true, that it is going to stick, that I'm really going to be a mom to more than one blessing from God.

The biggest question we have been getting is  "Was it planned?" and other variations that mean the same thing.  Yes, it was.  Did I expect it to happen so quickly, no.

So, because this is going to turn into a tracking of this pregnancy, please feel free to unfollow. I know how hard it can be to share in the happiness of others when you just wish it was you.  That it hurts to read all the reminders of what hasn't happened for you yet.  Please know I am praying for you. As cliche as it sounds, God has a plan for all of us and many things now may not make sense, but perhaps later down the road it will.


So here is to this blessing from God!

Random Things:
Morning sickness- no (Alleluia!) though I do get queasy from time to time.
Physical- My boobs feel huge.
Mental- disbelief, happiness, worry, sadness

First doctor appt isn't until mid-September (WTF?!)
The girl: happy and worried. Trying to make sure I reinforce that I am always going to love her bunches, I will never love her any less than I do now.

Wanting what is bad for you

I think everyone has those moments where you want something that you know is bad for you.
Take the fast food dinner: nutritional value of null, but it is fast...and easy...and edible.


I feel this way about a specific relationship. I keep wanting it, knowing it is bad for me...but it is fast, and easy, and there. No unknowns at all involved. I know what to expect and what not to.

Then there are other things that I think I want, I just don't know if I want them for the right reasons or if, like a new restaurant, I want them because they differ from what I have had before.

All of this leads to mass confusion and at time hysteria. And it is exhausting going through all the scenarios involved in different decisions.

I'm really ready for my life to be settled. I hate all of the upheaval of this transition period. I want to start working on my forever future and contentment.