A Stress Full Post

Stress is found everywhere in the environment in which you find yourself. Sometimes that environment includes living in your own mind and/or body. The quest to be better, to have more, to be as good as __ overtakes our person and before you realize it, you have lost yourself amongst the crap.

It is overwhelming to begin sorting through all the crud to try and find yourself. To find your calm in the storm of life.

There isn’t a magical formula that works for every person. My baggage looks different from yours. Yours looks different than the people around you. Yes, there are similarities. We may all have shirts in our luggage, but they aren’t the exact same.

How do you start to unpack your baggage so you can live a life without lugging stuff around everywhere you go? I can’t tell you exactly what you need to do. I can only tell you what I have done and what has worked for me.  I can tell you it isn’t an easy process and sometimes I still find myself carting my luggage around with me out of the blue. Enough introduction, lets get down to the nitty gritty.

The first step to stress-free living for me was to figure out the source of my stress. That sounds easy enough, right?  Wrong. In my quest for finding the cause, I had to evaluate a lot of different stressors. I had to examine them to see how much of the stressor was the actual thing and how much was my REACTION to the thing. How important was the thing? ACTUAL importance, not ASSUMED importance.

To continue with the luggage metaphor, was the red t-shirt really necessary for my quest? Sure, it was serviceable in that it had a purpose. But, if I left it behind somewhere, would I still be able to function?

One of the things I learned early in the process was that I put expectation on myself that I assigned as an expectation from another person.  That is a hard truth to come to. I had myself convinced that I had to keep the house very clean. That my husband EXPECTED a clean house and I was the one that needed to meet that expectation. In truth, my husband never said such a thing.  He doesn’t expect me to be the maid, to follow him sweeping up crumbs. It was an expectation and source of stress that I CREATED. That was a difficult pill to swallow. Here I am, losing my sanity and stressing the F OUT over a situation that I made myself live in.  Does that mean I live in filth and squalor these days? No. I have changed my expectation. I expect MYSELF to clean as my time and motivation allows. I have GIVEN MYSELF PERMISSION TO NOT BE PERFECT.

Can you think of a stress in your life that you have manifested?

I hear you, you want a more “fun,” more “relaxed,” easier technique to use to relieve stress.  One of the other things I started doing is meditating. 

Step 1: Forget what you expect meditation has to look like. 

I don’t sit with my legs crossed saying “ohm”.  A lot of the times when I meditate, I sit in my lawn chair or the zero gravity chair at my office (I love this chair most). Other times, I lay in bed or on my massage table.

Step 2: Close your eyes.

When you can’t see the mess around you and you can only see the backs of your eyelids/inside your head, it cuts out some of the distraction.

Step 3: Breathe.

It is amazing (and not in the good way) how many people do not use the full capacity they have to inhale oxygen.  When I say breathe as step 3, I mean REALLY breathe. Take a deep breath in, hold it a second and then slowly exhale. Exhale all of the air in your lungs.

Step 4: Focus.

Focus on your breath. FEEL the oxygen enter your lungs. FEEL the carbon dioxide leave your lungs. Don’t dissect every little noise. Just feel. Feel your breath, your heartbeat, and how your body feels on the surface you are on. Focus on things that don’t have to change.

Step 4a: Let it go.

Yes, I just quoted Elsa. Seriously, as you start this process, your over-active brain is going to go nuts. As thoughts pop in your brain, acknowledge them and set them aside.  By acknowledging, you are validating your thoughts. By letting them go, you are GIVING YOURSELF PERMISSION to take time for you.

Example: Yes, I know laundry needs to be done, but not right this second. Yes, chicken sounds good for dinner tomorrow, but right now is for me to relax. Yes, little Timmy starts basketball in three months, but that isn’t right now.

Step 5: Find what works for you.

Ignore all of these steps if that doesn’t work for you. I have guided meditations that I do sometimes because there are days where I CAN NOT SHUT MY THOUGHTS OFF.  I can’t get to that point where I can feel the layers melt away. My brain starts focusing on the process and what comes next. When this starts to happen, I Google “Quick and Easy Meditations” and pick what looks best. (Sometimes I Google for a specific type of meditation, but I digress.)

Another technique I use that ties into meditation is visualization. I have a physical place that brings me instant calm and peace. (Piasa Creek if you are interested in knowing.) The place is filled with an abundance of good memories. When I can’t physically get there, I go there mentally.  I close my eyes and visualize standing on the boat ramp, a light breeze blowing through my hair. I can smell the creek, I can feel the sun on my skin, I can hear the birds and nature sounds, and I see my dad standing next to 

me with his boat.

Basically, I focus on ALL of the different senses I can that I associate with that place. The more real I can visualize it, the more real it is. The more real it is, the more comfort I feel.

The most important thing is to find what works for you. Don’t create more stress. You will find something that works for you. 

I have faith you will find your baggage check.

Christianity and the Metaphysical and Energetic Realms- The Final Chapter

Thanks for following along with my story. I really felt led to share my thoughts and my path with the world. Even if that world is only me.
I am appreciative of the friend and client that put the bug in my brain to start writing. Writing is a medium I struggle with because many times I feel the words are not indicative of my true self or they don't sound right when I read through them.  Probably the reason I have not read through the entirety of my writing of this series until after it has been published, if even then.

Time to tie this all up and address the first word in the title of this series of posts. Christianity.

I grew up attending church pretty regularly. Most of my church experience is in the Catholic and Lutheran religion. Pretty strict, regimented forms, but I like the tradition of it all. Due to the inconvenience of driving 30 minutes to attend the Lutheran church I prefer in this area, I started attending some local non-denominational churches. Many times when I am there, the music and sermon speak directly to my soul on issues I'm struggling with.

God, religion, and church have been my refuge when I'm struggling with life. Sadly, when I'm a mess is when my attendance is best.
Funny how that works. I know God loves me, even when I'm messy. One of these days I will realize that if I put God first, not Erin, the messy life won't be so messy.

But I digress.

ALL of the parts of my story have fit together because of God. (I was going to put fate, whatever supreme being you place your belief in, but I realized this is my story. So I'm going to use the words that fit best for me.)

I believe God has blessed me with the talents I have, has led me to take the trainings I have participated in, and placed me in the locations I have been at because He KNEW I would need them to do His work and help heal others.

I believe in the work that I do because I have seen how it has helped me. How it has helped my clients. How it has formed relationships with others. Yes, at times I have questioned if this fits into my religious life and I remember how the pieces fell together effortlessly on me going to some of these trainings. I remember clients who came into my space in a state of brokenness and how the work helped them gain footing and start putting their pieces back together.

I have seen the benefit that crystal healing has done. A client came in with gallbladder issues (and others). They didn't come in for crystal work, just a normal massage. When I heard about the gallbladder issue, I asked if I could place a crystal there while I did the rest of the massage. Months later, this client still tells me how they haven't had issues since.

I have seen and felt the emotional release that came with energy work. Tears have flowed freely on my table as a client released old emotions and finally started feeling more at peace with their self.

I couldn't have done ANY of this if it was not God's will for it to happen. I'm not normally a 'bible thumper' per se, but I have felt God's guidance and presence in different sessions. I have found solutions to client issues when I was focused on other things. I have stumbled across trainings that I had never thought about taking.

And often, especially after sessions where big things have occurred, I find myself seeing how everything fit together.

I remind my daughter all the time that some of the people God used for greatness were some of the biggest sinners. The Lord knows I'm not perfect, that I am messy (inside and out), and still LOVES me. God is ALWAYS there even when I'm not sitting in church every week.

God made heaven and earth. God made crystals. God made energy. God made me. Through Him, all things are possible.

Christianity and the Metaphysical and Energetic Realms-Part 4

The fourth installment in this series moves into a much more recent time frame. 

This installment starts putting it all together. 

Mediums. Another dip into the metaphysical realm. Another area that doesn't didn't jive with my Christian upbringing. Another area that sped me down the path I am currently on.

My first brush with a medium was shortly after my dad passed. I was getting a massage in a neighboring town from a therapist who is also a medium. During the massage, she saw my goose tattoo (the one I got for my dad) and asked if I had lost him recently. The conversation that followed had me exploring new areas, awakened a new knowledge, and (with the help of a few other situations with other people) a new awareness of the world around me. Apparently, my dad had been hanging around the medium (and he wasn't one of her normal spirits hanging about), not saying anything but making feathers fall on her and then laughing about it. 

Now, if you know/knew my dad, you also know this is something he would have done. The information she passed on to me was a bit of a balm on my very shattered heart. The period of time that followed, I had some other interesting occurrences with the spirit realm. A client of mine that had a heaven visit brought a spiritual attachment back. This was one of the first times, I started to utilize my gift of sensing when spirits are present. 

This gift and the knowledge of it is still extremely new to me. To be honest, I tend to shield myself from it a lot and only access when I can't ignore it or when it is needed for healing. I still have a lot of questions about it and there is a lot I don't understand about it as well. Plus, there are ethical considerations to include as well. But again, I'm jumping ahead and skipping parts of the story.

Previously, I used the word "mediums," the plural form. This story involves a second medium, an actual session with a  medium that really opened some gates. I'm still rounding up all the pieces and seeing what I have from that as well. A local was hosting a medium that I had heard MANY good things about. I have friends and clients that have had very successful sessions with this medium. So, I sent a message to see about scheduling a session. Unfortunately, I didn't hear back and I took that sign as it just wasn't the right time.  However, it was more a lesson in patience. The week of the event, I did receive a message in return.  A spot had opened up, I didn't have any other plans, so I leaped at the opportunity. 

The session was interesting to say the very least. Issues (as I call them) were brought up and a solution presented for problems (again, as I call them) that I had never voiced aloud. The biggest was were does this skill to feel others physical/emotional pain come from. I was informed on what lineage it is in which came as a surprise. It isn't my story to tell, this person actually kept it to their self when they were alive, but I did pass the message on to the family members that needed it. One of the other messages that came through this session for me was to show myself some compassion. The medium hit the nail on the head with the message that I let others slide in areas I beat myself up in. I'm definitely still working on this, but I have noticed a vast improvement in my daily life since I started focusing on this more.  

Oh, that extrasensory skill I mentioned? You want/need to know more? 

Many of you know I'm a massage therapist and some of you have been on the receiving end of my massages. Some of my skills have been polished through continuing education, many have been brought to life in continuing education. One of the reasons I am the therapist I am is because I have learned to listen to the body. When I drop my shields (self-preservation) and scan, I can pinpoint areas of pain. During a session, especially when doing energy work, I can find areas of emotional pain and trauma. Please note, I do not access the hidden realm of a person's being without their permission. Many of my clients will tell you that they do not come into my office with the intention of sharing as much as they do.  The words just start to fall out.  Most of the time, voicing the words is what they needed in order to start healing that wound. 

It isn't easy to be able to feel as much as I do, hence the shielding. I am thankful for my massage training for teaching me how to not take on other's issues as my own. Sometimes I mess up and take other's crud, but I normally notice it before it gets too much and remove/dispel myself of the extra baggage. I'm thankful for the skillset I have been blessed with and have developed over the years. The path hasn't always been easy, nor have I always been at peace with the path, but the outcome has been worth the bumps and bruises.

I hear you, when does Christianity come in? The next, and final installment my dear reader. Christianity will be at the forefront of that post.

Christianity and the Metaphysical and Energetic Realms-Part 3

This is a post about rocks.

The next stop in my journey into the metaphysical and energetic realms involves rocks. The healing powers of crystals to be exact.

There is a little shop in Alton, Illinois that I had heard many things about and had never been. It's Raining Zen is a metaphysical/new age store that was a catalyst in my crystal healing journey. If you are ever in the area, you should definitely stop in. But, onward to the real reason I'm writing this, as a way to document and share my journey. (PS: I promise the Christianity aspect will come into play eventually. Probably not in this post, but maybe in the next and/or the final installment.

Previously I mentioned I moved to a more rural community. Part of that move meant being a couple hours away from my family, a group of people that mean the most to me. The other half of that coin means I visit the Alton area frequently. On one of these trips, I decided to swing by Zen and have a look around.

Hold on. I need to rewind this story a wee bit. In the summer of 2016, I suffered a major blow in my life. Remember that amazing family I spoke of? The one that means the most to me? That summer, I lost my dad very suddenly, very unexpectedly, and in a tragic way. The phone call I got telling me my dad was dead is one I won't forget. Moments with that level of emotion are forever ingrained into our person. I have just reached a place of peace with what I cannot change. (Reaching this point involved A LOT of work.) The week between my dad's death and his funeral is a big blur, minus my shoulder starting to hurt. My right shoulder was aching, I went and got a massage from one of my best friends (who I went to massage school with). The end result of that was being told I was in fight or flight mode and I was fighting hard. AKA: No relief in should pain. When I left the funeral home to get in my car to drive to the cemetery, I was overcome with emotional pain. I fell to my knees as I released what I was feeling inside. The benefit of this release is my shoulder stopped hurting. Through this experience, I learned I store all of my dad-related emotions in my right shoulder. So, I put a big goose tattoo on it in remembrance of my dad.

Fast forward to this initial trip to It's Raining Zen. I came across all of the crystals and some prescription cards that stated what crystals were good for what ailment. I ended up purchasing some crystals to help with my anxiety and depression as I had reached a hurdle/wall in getting back to me post-mourning the passing of my father. I also came across a book on crystal healing and opened up to a section that would help one of my empath clients.

Insert life changing moment here.

Crystals were miracle workers in my life. My anxiety and depression was more manageable. I was able to start working through the wall I had hit in my personal healing. I sought out more information, more training. I got really lucky and hit the "sale" lottery. I found an online school that was having a buy one, get one free sale on their courses. Add in they are NCBTMB certified and I have classes on crystals that count towards my requirements for my massage license. YES, PLEASE!! Oh, and throw in that I have some money available for continuing education. EVEN BETTER!!

I ended up purchasing a certification on Crystal Therapy for Bodyworkers and a certification in Crystal Reiki!  This training further expanded my knowledge and love for crystals and energy work. I have been able to expand my practice to include chakra balancing  and reiki with crystals. I have learned SOO much and have been able to apply this knowledge in both my personal and professional life. Plus, I got to add more letters behind my name. :)

Through a combination of crystal therapy and reiki, my energy healing has greatly expanded and has helped me help others.

Christianity and the Metaphysical and Energetic Realms- Part 2

In the first installment of this series on my personal journey, we left off with the amazingness that is lomi lomi.

I shared this transformational bodywork with a few clients over the period of a few years. Helping others to heal their self with lomi was a gift and a learning ground for me. During this time, I had a full-time job and massage was purely on the side for fun. I accepted a promotion at my day job that was phenomenally more stressful and with a lot more responsibilities. This caused massage to be on a VERY LIMITED back burner. Add in the stress of personal relationships changing, and not always for the better, and I had gotten away from lomi.

Depression and me have a long and complicated relationship. Additionally, my healer nature is a double edged sword. I tend to put my own needs as secondary to everyone else, especially in relationships, and this ends up fueling my depression in a sneaky, underhanded way. I don't recognize it until I'm in the trenches of it.  I want to say I'm a lot better about it now, but still not proficient. I'm a work in progress.

More life happened, my second daughter was born thus ending my day job, we relocated to a more rural area where my job was to be mom and wife. When my youngest was a little over 1, I started looking for an avenue to resume massage. Part of this journey "forced" me to find an in-person continuing education course. This path led me to discovering the healing power of Usui Reiki.

I do not ignore the initial reaction I had when I first heard of reiki. It was the same time I learned about lomi lomi. Another student in my class did their modality presentation on reiki. When I first heard about it, I though reiki sounded like a bunch of hooey. Imagine my surprise when I ended up in a Reiki I class. I was more receptive to energy work at this point in my journey. When I first learned about lomi, I didn't really know or understand the energy aspect of that modality.

Reiki took me by surprise. The first level includes 4 attunements, after which we wrote down our initial thoughts and feelings. The surprise came during the second attunement (possibly the third as I don't have my notes here with me to verify this fact). During this attunement, I was sitting in a chair with my eyes closed while the reiki master did his part behind me. No one was touching me AT ALL during this experience. I began feeling an intense pain in the middle of my back. The intensity was so severe that I began to cry and tears were streaming down my face. It was hard to sit up straight. I remember slumping forward slightly to relieve some of the pain and pressure.  Afterwards, as we were discussing our thoughts and feelings, I shared my experience. The reiki master told me to stick with it, the next attunement would be better, that before we can pour from our cup of light, we must first empty that cup of the dark/stuff that is already there.

I can attest that the other attunements were much better. The process was solidified in my mind as being 'worth the benefits that I received' and I finished the course and still practice this work today. Some of the most moving healing sessions I have completed have involved reiki. I plan to further my training in this area as time and money allows. SPOILER ALERT: I'm a reiki master in a different type of reiki that I will discuss in the next installment.

Reiki opened my soul up to this higher level of thinking and feeling. I have a hard time describing reiki to my clients because I feel so strongly about it and I don't want people to discredit the benefit energy work, such as reiki, can bring to a session.

In closing, reiki is a type of energy healing that brings universal healing energy in. Your body is capable of so much. I merely act as a vessel/conduit to help my clients receive this universal healing energy. I do not claim to be a medical doctor, the energy work I do and describe in this blog are a COMPLEMENTARY method and are not a replacement for traditional medical care. I dislike disclaimers, but felt I needed to include it in this post.

Next up: My love affair with rocks. (FYI: This is shaping up to be a 4 or 5 part journey. I'm leaning more towards 5. )

Christianity and the Metaphysical and Energetic Realms- A Multi-part Post

Hey there visitors! Rather than recreate the wheel and starting a whole new blog, I'm unearthing one from the past.
Long, lost readers of the past, this will still be my ramblings albeit a smidge more focused on things from my professional life. However, my professional and personal lives greatly overlap and are kinda one and the same.
New readers, I'm leaving the old stuff up as a testament to the brokenness found inside of all of us. Everyone has skeletons, everyone has things they are trying to stay on top of and things they are trying to work through. Even more importantly, everyone has things they are repeatedly working through that are a constant struggle.
Celebrate the victories, no matter how small. Progress is progress.
Onward and upward, time to get to the post the title suggests.

In my line of work, there are many avenues of education and focus one can take. Initially, my planned path was one of manual therapy, one that dealt in physical disfunction and the correction of those things. Life has a way of taking the best laid plans and turning them upside down.
My path into the energetic realm of massage therapy began during my college coursework for massage therapy. We were given a family tree of sorts that listed a large quantity of modalities that fall under the umbrella of massage. I have a bit of rebellious or comical nature, depending on your view, so I chose the one that sounded the most obscure. My choice was lomi lomi. Little did I know that one casual, or serendipitous, decision was going to be the fuel to my soul's purpose. I completed the assignment, got an 'A' (I'm a perfectionist when it comes to schoolwork) and started searching for training in this modality.
Fast forward through an Associate's of Applied Science in Therapeutic Massage, a national exam and one professional license later, and I was on a plane to Tampa, Florida to take a workshop on Sacred Lomi. During one of the first hands on experiences, at the completion, I felt like I was going to explode. I had sooo much energy coursing through my body and no knowledge on how to release it. The assistant teacher saw I was in distress and taught me a very effective way to release this unneeded energy.
So, I'm in Florida, hugging a palm tree, asking the earth to absorb this excess energy. I literally felt energy leaving my person like water from a faucet. I thanked the earth for the help and resumed the training.
Lomi lomi will always hold a special place in my heart for this introduction into a new level of awareness.

So, this is a lot longer than I thought. This viewpoint/story will have to continue on in a multi-part adventure.

Anxiety of a social nature

So, I'm using this as a sounding board/place to get it out.
I'm beginning to wonder if I have a form of social anxiety. For as much as I want to be part of a group, I beat myself up after social interactions. I fear that people think negatively of me. For example, I introduced myself to someone my husband works with today. Just a brief hi, I'm me, im married to him. And all night I've worried that I came off like an idiot.
It really sucks. I want to make friends in this new place, but I feel like I'm always holding a part of myself back. I'm just waiting for the rejection to occur. To be deemed unworthy of friendship.

It really feels like a vicious cycle. I want to meet people, I meet people, I stress out that said people hate me for some character flaw I have.

And the sad part is I know a lot of it is ridiculous. I know I'm a friendly person. I know that people like me.

Thanks for reading, just needed to get it out.