This morning at o'dark thirty, wrapped up my second week of CrossFit classes. The local gym is having a competition with a year's membership as the prize.
Incentive + Need = Action
The past two years, my focus has been on mental health. My father's death shook my foundation very hard. It put me into an evil cycle with depression and anxiety as my constant companions. I was the most mom I could be. I gave my kids what I could while shrouded in my rain cloud.
It sucked. I knew I had to do something. I did counseling. I found crystal therapy. I was better...but not 100%. My physical health went to the wayside. During my bout with all of the crud, I used food (sweets especially) as my crutch. A certain brand of clothes removed the built in "uh oh" checks. Stretchy clothes mean you don't have as much accountability to your wardrobe.
The numbers on the scale steadily climbed.
Insert seeing the challenge online. Insert a bank account that had the extra $$. Insert taking the signs from the universe that it was time. So I went.
At 5 o'clock in the morning. A time I try really hard to pretend doesn't exist.
I didn't die.
I did the WOD. (Workout of the Day)
I put my health higher on the list.
And a crazy thing started to happen. I started finding myself again.
The old me. My brain started to focus forward. My posture improved. My mood improved.
My confidence returned.
Today, for the first time in awhile, I am wearing a dress and heels. A level of outfit that I haven't put together in too long.
I feel great.
I feel confident.
I feel the shackles of depression, anxiety, and grief didn't pick me today.
And that is worth all the money in the world. To shed the weight of grief and focus on the sun rather than the forecasted rain.
All of this boils down to:
Find what works for you.
Be kind to yourself.
Don't give up on the bad days.
Sunshine will return.
Friday, August 17, 2018
Saturday, August 11, 2018
Soul lessons, Ascended thinking problems, Past life stuff
Today is one of those AH HA! days for me. I LOVE IT! Some of the simplest lessons are the hardest to fully learn.
Lesson: Life can neither be all work or all play. Fantasy and practicality can co-exist and SHOULD!
The details: (I almost put "The deets" but didn't, but then I just did. Ah the irony!)
As I was preparing for my morning cleanse (aka shower), I had one of those moments where all of the pieces clicked together. I was thinking about all of the trial and tribulations that I have been through in my life and how they have helped me grow into a better person, more of a person. When I remembered an experience I had recently (like past 3 months) during a meditation where my goal was to access past life messages I needed to see/hear in order to help myself on this current journey.
The messages/glimpses I saw were vastly different. In one, a young girl with long, wavy, black hair stood on the edge of a cliff, with a raging sea below, arms outstretched, twirling in circles. It was a moment of pure freedom and abandon. In the other, a middle aged woman, sat toiling away to serve an unseen master. A woman who worked hard to exist, not live, in a very hard life. While this vision didn't have an overture of abuse, it did have a darker feel to it as the person depicted didn't have many joys in life. The person had a roof over their head. She had food in her stomach. But she also had the weight of the world shackled to her that prevented her from moving on, moving forward.
So, this morning the message finally came together. For me to REALLY LIVE this life, I can be neither carefree or over caring. I have to have both work AND play in my life. I need to buckle down and get things done AND I need to take moments to do things that aren't always practical. I need to let the girl on the edge of the cliff dance. I need to let the servant work. I need that BALANCE.
Another side of this revelation:
Earlier this week, I started on a CrossFit journey (more of that story will come in the future of this blog). My first day of this exercise journey, I was hit by an intense migraine of epic proportions. It was one of the worst I have had.
Now, that I have had my "ah ha!" moment, I understand that the physical exercise triggered another ascension in thinking. One that went very rapidly and my physical body couldn't keep up with so it shut down quickly.
I share this because on this journey of higher understanding I'm on, I'm frequently burdened with headaches and "baby" migraines. It is the physical manifestation of energetic work for me. I really feel that all of the work I've been doing on myself is coming together quite well even with the hiccups and headaches that come with it.
So, as you continue on your journey, don't let the hurdles and speed bumps slow you down.
Soul lesson learned. Now, I need to live that lesson.
I also feel I need to include this side note. Previously, I have never thought of past life stuff. Through the work I have done and read into, I decided that I should do a meditation where the focus/goal was to access soul lessons I needed to master to continue on my current journey. My current thoughts on past life stuff can be watered down to this:
Certain interpretations of the bible state we don't enter heaven until Jesus comes back to earth.
Energy always exists, it is merely transferred.
Insert life cycle process where we turn into dirt and grass and nutrients.
So, parts of our energy have links to different portions of history through the life cycle process. Parts of us existed in a human form previously. That transfer of energy or lessons creates the person I am today.
MIND BLOWN. I surprise myself sometimes with how things fit together so nicely for me in this existence of Evolution + Creationism that I have. One of my go to quotes is "One day to us does not equal one day to God."
Lesson: Life can neither be all work or all play. Fantasy and practicality can co-exist and SHOULD!
The details: (I almost put "The deets" but didn't, but then I just did. Ah the irony!)
As I was preparing for my morning cleanse (aka shower), I had one of those moments where all of the pieces clicked together. I was thinking about all of the trial and tribulations that I have been through in my life and how they have helped me grow into a better person, more of a person. When I remembered an experience I had recently (like past 3 months) during a meditation where my goal was to access past life messages I needed to see/hear in order to help myself on this current journey.
The messages/glimpses I saw were vastly different. In one, a young girl with long, wavy, black hair stood on the edge of a cliff, with a raging sea below, arms outstretched, twirling in circles. It was a moment of pure freedom and abandon. In the other, a middle aged woman, sat toiling away to serve an unseen master. A woman who worked hard to exist, not live, in a very hard life. While this vision didn't have an overture of abuse, it did have a darker feel to it as the person depicted didn't have many joys in life. The person had a roof over their head. She had food in her stomach. But she also had the weight of the world shackled to her that prevented her from moving on, moving forward.
So, this morning the message finally came together. For me to REALLY LIVE this life, I can be neither carefree or over caring. I have to have both work AND play in my life. I need to buckle down and get things done AND I need to take moments to do things that aren't always practical. I need to let the girl on the edge of the cliff dance. I need to let the servant work. I need that BALANCE.
Another side of this revelation:
Earlier this week, I started on a CrossFit journey (more of that story will come in the future of this blog). My first day of this exercise journey, I was hit by an intense migraine of epic proportions. It was one of the worst I have had.
Now, that I have had my "ah ha!" moment, I understand that the physical exercise triggered another ascension in thinking. One that went very rapidly and my physical body couldn't keep up with so it shut down quickly.
I share this because on this journey of higher understanding I'm on, I'm frequently burdened with headaches and "baby" migraines. It is the physical manifestation of energetic work for me. I really feel that all of the work I've been doing on myself is coming together quite well even with the hiccups and headaches that come with it.
So, as you continue on your journey, don't let the hurdles and speed bumps slow you down.
Soul lesson learned. Now, I need to live that lesson.
I also feel I need to include this side note. Previously, I have never thought of past life stuff. Through the work I have done and read into, I decided that I should do a meditation where the focus/goal was to access soul lessons I needed to master to continue on my current journey. My current thoughts on past life stuff can be watered down to this:
Certain interpretations of the bible state we don't enter heaven until Jesus comes back to earth.
Energy always exists, it is merely transferred.
Insert life cycle process where we turn into dirt and grass and nutrients.
So, parts of our energy have links to different portions of history through the life cycle process. Parts of us existed in a human form previously. That transfer of energy or lessons creates the person I am today.
MIND BLOWN. I surprise myself sometimes with how things fit together so nicely for me in this existence of Evolution + Creationism that I have. One of my go to quotes is "One day to us does not equal one day to God."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)