This morning at o'dark thirty, wrapped up my second week of CrossFit classes. The local gym is having a competition with a year's membership as the prize.
Incentive + Need = Action
The past two years, my focus has been on mental health. My father's death shook my foundation very hard. It put me into an evil cycle with depression and anxiety as my constant companions. I was the most mom I could be. I gave my kids what I could while shrouded in my rain cloud.
It sucked. I knew I had to do something. I did counseling. I found crystal therapy. I was better...but not 100%. My physical health went to the wayside. During my bout with all of the crud, I used food (sweets especially) as my crutch. A certain brand of clothes removed the built in "uh oh" checks. Stretchy clothes mean you don't have as much accountability to your wardrobe.
The numbers on the scale steadily climbed.
Insert seeing the challenge online. Insert a bank account that had the extra $$. Insert taking the signs from the universe that it was time. So I went.
At 5 o'clock in the morning. A time I try really hard to pretend doesn't exist.
I didn't die.
I did the WOD. (Workout of the Day)
I put my health higher on the list.
And a crazy thing started to happen. I started finding myself again.
The old me. My brain started to focus forward. My posture improved. My mood improved.
My confidence returned.
Today, for the first time in awhile, I am wearing a dress and heels. A level of outfit that I haven't put together in too long.
I feel great.
I feel confident.
I feel the shackles of depression, anxiety, and grief didn't pick me today.
And that is worth all the money in the world. To shed the weight of grief and focus on the sun rather than the forecasted rain.
All of this boils down to:
Find what works for you.
Be kind to yourself.
Don't give up on the bad days.
Sunshine will return.
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