A Stress Full Post

Stress is found everywhere in the environment in which you find yourself. Sometimes that environment includes living in your own mind and/or body. The quest to be better, to have more, to be as good as __ overtakes our person and before you realize it, you have lost yourself amongst the crap.

It is overwhelming to begin sorting through all the crud to try and find yourself. To find your calm in the storm of life.

There isn’t a magical formula that works for every person. My baggage looks different from yours. Yours looks different than the people around you. Yes, there are similarities. We may all have shirts in our luggage, but they aren’t the exact same.

How do you start to unpack your baggage so you can live a life without lugging stuff around everywhere you go? I can’t tell you exactly what you need to do. I can only tell you what I have done and what has worked for me.  I can tell you it isn’t an easy process and sometimes I still find myself carting my luggage around with me out of the blue. Enough introduction, lets get down to the nitty gritty.

The first step to stress-free living for me was to figure out the source of my stress. That sounds easy enough, right?  Wrong. In my quest for finding the cause, I had to evaluate a lot of different stressors. I had to examine them to see how much of the stressor was the actual thing and how much was my REACTION to the thing. How important was the thing? ACTUAL importance, not ASSUMED importance.

To continue with the luggage metaphor, was the red t-shirt really necessary for my quest? Sure, it was serviceable in that it had a purpose. But, if I left it behind somewhere, would I still be able to function?

One of the things I learned early in the process was that I put expectation on myself that I assigned as an expectation from another person.  That is a hard truth to come to. I had myself convinced that I had to keep the house very clean. That my husband EXPECTED a clean house and I was the one that needed to meet that expectation. In truth, my husband never said such a thing.  He doesn’t expect me to be the maid, to follow him sweeping up crumbs. It was an expectation and source of stress that I CREATED. That was a difficult pill to swallow. Here I am, losing my sanity and stressing the F OUT over a situation that I made myself live in.  Does that mean I live in filth and squalor these days? No. I have changed my expectation. I expect MYSELF to clean as my time and motivation allows. I have GIVEN MYSELF PERMISSION TO NOT BE PERFECT.

Can you think of a stress in your life that you have manifested?

I hear you, you want a more “fun,” more “relaxed,” easier technique to use to relieve stress.  One of the other things I started doing is meditating. 

Step 1: Forget what you expect meditation has to look like. 

I don’t sit with my legs crossed saying “ohm”.  A lot of the times when I meditate, I sit in my lawn chair or the zero gravity chair at my office (I love this chair most). Other times, I lay in bed or on my massage table.

Step 2: Close your eyes.

When you can’t see the mess around you and you can only see the backs of your eyelids/inside your head, it cuts out some of the distraction.

Step 3: Breathe.

It is amazing (and not in the good way) how many people do not use the full capacity they have to inhale oxygen.  When I say breathe as step 3, I mean REALLY breathe. Take a deep breath in, hold it a second and then slowly exhale. Exhale all of the air in your lungs.

Step 4: Focus.

Focus on your breath. FEEL the oxygen enter your lungs. FEEL the carbon dioxide leave your lungs. Don’t dissect every little noise. Just feel. Feel your breath, your heartbeat, and how your body feels on the surface you are on. Focus on things that don’t have to change.

Step 4a: Let it go.

Yes, I just quoted Elsa. Seriously, as you start this process, your over-active brain is going to go nuts. As thoughts pop in your brain, acknowledge them and set them aside.  By acknowledging, you are validating your thoughts. By letting them go, you are GIVING YOURSELF PERMISSION to take time for you.

Example: Yes, I know laundry needs to be done, but not right this second. Yes, chicken sounds good for dinner tomorrow, but right now is for me to relax. Yes, little Timmy starts basketball in three months, but that isn’t right now.

Step 5: Find what works for you.

Ignore all of these steps if that doesn’t work for you. I have guided meditations that I do sometimes because there are days where I CAN NOT SHUT MY THOUGHTS OFF.  I can’t get to that point where I can feel the layers melt away. My brain starts focusing on the process and what comes next. When this starts to happen, I Google “Quick and Easy Meditations” and pick what looks best. (Sometimes I Google for a specific type of meditation, but I digress.)

Another technique I use that ties into meditation is visualization. I have a physical place that brings me instant calm and peace. (Piasa Creek if you are interested in knowing.) The place is filled with an abundance of good memories. When I can’t physically get there, I go there mentally.  I close my eyes and visualize standing on the boat ramp, a light breeze blowing through my hair. I can smell the creek, I can feel the sun on my skin, I can hear the birds and nature sounds, and I see my dad standing next to 

me with his boat.

Basically, I focus on ALL of the different senses I can that I associate with that place. The more real I can visualize it, the more real it is. The more real it is, the more comfort I feel.

The most important thing is to find what works for you. Don’t create more stress. You will find something that works for you. 

I have faith you will find your baggage check.