The Problem with “Natural Talent”

 Growing up, school always came easy to me. I didn’t have to try very hard to succeed. This “natural talent” is a double edged sword as an adult.  As I progressed through school, this talent helped build the foundation of being able to succeed in something if I wanted to but it also came with a price. Knowing I could succeed if I wanted to really didn’t provide me with a direction or yearning to be/do anything specific. 

You typically ask seniors in high school (US system) what they are going to go to college to learn/do. I didn’t have anything particular in mind. I figured something with business because that makes sense to my logical/Capricorn ways not because I had some deep desire to learn about the business industry. As of now, I have a diploma in Business Administration & Management and an AAS in Therapeutic Massage, plus some credits towards a BS in Community Health Education (but only a few), and I own my own business in the massage industry with a VERY SMALL retail component. And being completely candid, I’m over the running of my own business after the past 2 years. There are some downfalls in being your own boss and working alone. 

The other downfall of school being a “natural talent” is that when something is hard or I don’t “get it” quickly, I’m more inclined to drop it in the not for me bucket. This leads into another way I was indoctrinated as a child. Financial gain is important…you should work to make money…the more the better. (Please note this is not a direct quote, but what I have identified as I processed and worked through the ties to financial gain in my life.) Anytime I learn or want to learn a new craft (crochet, crystal work, tarot/oracle, scrapbooking, artsy stuff) I have this initial thought of “how can this provide for me?” I have worked long and hard to allow myself permission to do something JUST because it is fun and creative. BUT, I feel like I’m getting off the initial topic. 

So, the problem with natural talent, as it pertains to myself, is I give up quickly at times. I also struggle with burnout and with feeling good/worthy of different things in my life. So much of “who” I was growing up was linked to my natural talent at school (advanced placement, grades being As) that I struggle(d) with what my purpose is, what makes me worthy/special/unique, and continuing with something I’m not good at just because I enjoy the process. And I know I’m not alone in this. 

As a mother and an aunt, I try to focus on things that make the children in my life (even if they are adults) unique and their self, not on things that they can do or produce. One has a kind heart and extreme loyalty, one has a fierce heart and such a strong sense of self, and there are so many other qualities amongst all of them. It warms my heart when people start to see their self as being amazing without their amazing being tied to what they can do/give. 

Just the other night, my partner said one of the things they love most about me and what makes me such an amazing mom to our kids is that I can see these inner strengths. Then I had to blow their mind and list off some of their inner strengths. Even if they don’t see the internal strength (and I have been one of them), their are people that notice the strengths.

Yeah. More rambling. More jumping from point to point. I have a niece who is an English major that probably is a little cringy over my writing.  And that is ok. This is an outlet for my internal ramblings. They don’t have to make sense.