The Quest for Happiness

There is overwhelming number of references to "being happy" in the world around us right now. I just did a quick google search for songs with the word "happy" and found a site that said they found

37,748 lyrics,

37 artists,

and 100 albums

matching "happy".

That is a lot of happy in our culture for a population that is decidedly NOT happy.

I really believe everyone has become engrossed in searching for happiness externally that they have forgotten to look internally.

Sadly, I am acquainted with a number of people who are going through break ups, divorces, and the like. My number one piece of advice I give to them is to take time to learn to be happy with their self. 

It is a simply stated piece of advice that is horrifically hard to accomplish, especially for people-pleasers (such as myself). 

When you take the time to look internally, you will be surprised at what you find. I have done an extremely large quantity of self work over the past 2 years. Grief and loss will do that to you. It made me question EVERYTHING in my existence. It wasn't always easy, but the hard parts were definitely worth arriving to the point that I am at today. A point that is merely a resting point because it is a journey that will only end when my time here is over. 

I am getting a bit rambly and unfocused. Let us return to the nuts and bolts of this post. The QUEST for happiness.

When you are on a quest, you normally don't have a detailed map. Yes, you may have some clues, some general directions or ideas of how to get from point A to point B. However, the map doesn't tell you of washed out roads or downed trees blocking your path.

In an externally focused quest for happiness, these obstacles can be a divorce, the loss of a job, the death of a loved one, or any other thing you can think of that switches your course without you planning the change of direction. That is the problem with being externally focused on your quest for happiness. External obstacles can pop up and "ruin" the route. 

When you start to focus internally on your quest, you start looking at the causes for unhappiness or causes for the downed tree. Maybe the tree fell because it was not in a nutrient rich soil that could support it. As we apply this ideology to the quest for happiness, maybe you find you are ungrounded in your current environment. And REALIZING that you are ungrounded gives you a direction to move in, and area to "fix". 

In my own quest, one of the first realizations I had was that I placed too much of my happiness and other moods into the hands of others. As I dug deeper into that idea, I also realized that I transferred expectations of myself into perceived thoughts of others. (Example: I "thought" my husband would be upset if the house was not straightened and clean. In reality, I expected myself to keep the house spotless. My version of "cluttered messy house" was not an issue to my husband.) The more time I spent evaluating the IMPACT of this habit, I realized some of my external happiness was because of an internal discord with myself. 

As I worked to correct, or more importantly NOTICE, this trait, I found that the load had been lightened. I dumped some of the unnecessary baggage I had strapped on.  It was easier to be happy because I was enriching the soil rather than polluting it. 

Yes, there are always going to be external obstacles. That is the nature of life. However, as you focus on your internal happiness, you may just find that your reactions to the external obstacles change. The obstacles are merely seen as an inconvenient detour rather than an insurmountable road block.

Look inside of yourself. Find the TRUE YOU that is hidden within. 

*My little note on this process. It isn't an easy process. You may have to accept truths about yourself that are a little hard to swallow. Shining light in a cave exposes everything that is there. Ignorance is bliss. But not knowing about the hole in the floor of the cave could cause you greater injury and pain in the the long run.

CrossFit and Confidence

This morning at o'dark thirty,  wrapped up my second week of CrossFit classes. The local gym is having a competition with a year's membership as the prize.

Incentive + Need = Action

The past two years, my focus has been on mental health. My father's death shook my foundation very hard. It put me into an evil cycle with depression and anxiety as my constant companions. I was the most mom I could be. I gave my kids what I could while shrouded in my rain cloud.

It sucked. I knew I had to do something. I did counseling. I found crystal therapy. I was better...but not 100%. My physical health went to the wayside. During my bout with all of the crud, I used food (sweets especially) as my crutch. A certain brand of clothes removed the built in "uh oh" checks. Stretchy clothes mean you don't have as much accountability to your wardrobe.

The numbers on the scale steadily climbed.

Insert seeing the challenge online. Insert a bank account that had the extra $$. Insert taking the signs from the universe that it was time. So I went.

At 5 o'clock in the morning. A time I try really hard to pretend doesn't exist.

I didn't die.
I did the WOD. (Workout of the Day)
I put my health higher on the list.

And a crazy thing started to happen. I started finding myself again.
The old me. My brain started to focus forward. My posture improved. My mood improved.
My confidence returned.

Today, for the first time in awhile, I am wearing a dress and heels. A level of outfit that I haven't put together in too long.
I feel great.
I feel confident.
I feel the shackles of depression, anxiety, and grief didn't pick me today.

And that is worth all the money in the world. To shed the weight of grief and focus on the sun rather than the forecasted rain.

All of this boils down to:
Find what works for you.
Be kind to yourself.
Don't give up on the bad days.
Sunshine will return.

Soul lessons, Ascended thinking problems, Past life stuff

Today is one of those AH HA! days for me. I LOVE IT! Some of the simplest lessons are the hardest to fully learn.
Lesson: Life can neither be all work or all play. Fantasy and practicality can co-exist and SHOULD!
The details: (I almost put "The deets" but didn't, but then I just did. Ah the irony!)

As I was preparing for my morning cleanse (aka shower), I had one of those moments where all of the pieces clicked together. I was thinking about all of the trial and tribulations that I have been through in my life and how they have helped me grow into a better person, more of a person. When I remembered an experience I had recently (like past 3 months) during a meditation where my goal was to access past life messages I needed to see/hear in order to help myself on this current journey.

The messages/glimpses I saw were vastly different. In one, a young girl with long, wavy, black hair stood on the edge of a cliff, with a raging sea below, arms outstretched, twirling in circles. It was a moment of pure freedom and abandon.  In the other, a middle aged woman, sat toiling away to serve an unseen master. A woman who worked hard to exist, not live, in a very hard life. While this vision didn't have an overture of abuse, it did have a darker feel to it as the person depicted didn't have many joys in life. The person had a roof over their head. She had food in her stomach. But she also had the weight of the world shackled to her that prevented her from moving on, moving forward.

So, this morning the message finally came together. For me to REALLY LIVE this life, I can be neither carefree or over caring. I have to have both work AND play in my life. I need to buckle down and get things done AND I need to take moments to do things that aren't always practical. I need to let the girl on the edge of the cliff dance. I need to let the servant work. I need that BALANCE.

Another side of this revelation:
Earlier this week, I started on a CrossFit journey (more of that story will come in the future of this blog). My first day of this exercise journey, I was hit by an intense migraine of epic proportions. It was one of the worst I have had.
Now, that I have had my "ah ha!" moment, I understand that the physical exercise triggered another ascension in thinking. One that went very rapidly and my physical body couldn't keep up with so it shut down quickly.
I share this because on this journey of higher understanding I'm on, I'm frequently burdened with headaches and "baby" migraines. It is the physical manifestation of energetic work for me.  I really feel that all of the work I've been doing on myself is coming together quite well even with the hiccups and headaches that come with it.
So, as you continue on your journey, don't let the hurdles and speed bumps slow you down.

Soul lesson learned. Now, I need to live that lesson.

I also feel I need to include this side note. Previously, I have never thought of past life stuff. Through the work I have done and read into, I decided that I should do a meditation where the focus/goal was to access soul lessons I needed to master to continue on my current journey. My current thoughts on past life stuff can be watered down to this:
Certain interpretations of the bible state we don't enter heaven until Jesus comes back to earth.
Energy always exists, it is merely transferred.
Insert life cycle process where we turn into dirt and grass and nutrients.
So, parts of our energy have links to different portions of history through the life cycle process. Parts of us existed in a human form previously. That transfer of energy or lessons creates the person I am today.

MIND BLOWN. I surprise myself sometimes with how things fit together so nicely for me in this existence of Evolution + Creationism that I have. One of my go to quotes is "One day to us does not equal one day to God."

New Moon, New Things, Expanded Vision

Depending on where you are located, last night was the new moon!
I used this point in the lunar cycle to try something new. I actually set up a grid-ish thing with some new moon affirmations/goals.
I'm going to share them to the best of my ability with words as loading pictures is not something I'm prepared to do at the moment. (AKA: I'm being lazy.)

I used the word "grid-ish" because I honestly just put four crystals in a cardinal direction with a fifth in the middle (that was a point/generator). Under the point/generator, I placed my sticky note with my affirmations/goals. I'm going to share those, along with my reasons for the selected crystals, for the sake of giving even more power to my written word.
GOALS:
To have a prosperous healing business.
To be open to communication.
To be confident in knowing my worth and skill.

Rather broad focused, but I'm not wanting to limit the power of the universe. All of these are subject to interpretation in a number of ways. My focus is to continue to grow as a person, to shed some of the things holding me back (fear and perception), and to let my light shine.

Crystals used and their position:
CITRINE: This was in the middle. This is my point/generator. This was selected as it is a prosperity stone. The focus for me is to be prosperous in all aspects of my life. To me, this also hones in on the fact I'm not out searching for wealth. Honestly, I want my business to support itself and to provide additional funds for activities (and to buy more crystals and books).

ARAGONITE (Sputnik): This was placed North. To guide me on my quest for self-acceptance and confidence. To remind me that I'm an amazing person. That I am a worthwhile person. That people seek me for my personality in addition to my skills.

ANGELITE: This was placed East. This was selected to continue to help me grow spiritually and to listen for the guidance of angels and higher beings.

HEMIMORPHITE: This was placed South. This was selected (I think) for communication, spiritual growth, and chakra related "business".  To be honest, my muse is leaving rather rapidly and I don't have all of my resources with me at home.

APOPHYLLITE: This was placed West. This was selected to grow my healing business and to provide effective care for those who cross my path and doorstep.

Many of the crystals I selected had dual roles in my intentions for the grid-ish thing. Now, comes the hard part- focusing my energy on reaching these goals. I have peace of mind knowing I can accomplish anything, but I know it isn't going to come without putting some labor of love into it.
Which leads into the last part of the title, Expanded Vision.
My goal for the next two weeks leading up to the full moon is to start gathering resources on wholesalers to expand my business. My "Assumed Name" paperwork has to be posted in 1 more week of the local newspaper and then I have to start on all the official state paperwork.

I'm pumped to start expanding my healing business. To be a source for health and wellness supplies and services.

I'm also reminding myself to take care of me. There is only one me and there is not a replacement warranty available in life. You are irreplaceable. You have meaning in this world we live in. Find your light, let it shine. Be unapologetically you.You are an amazing being of light.

Adaptability in a changing world

Have the ability to adapt to the world around you is a difficult skill to manage, especially for a goal/detail oriented Capricorn like myself. I find the older I get, the more useful this skill is. Let me expand on this topic as it pertains to me. (BONUS: My writing partner today will have a snippet at the end discussing her properties. SPOILER: My writing partner today is a square carnelian.)

So much of my younger years were spent trying to make things happen my way. As life continued to throw hurdles in my path, I was forced to slow down. To re-evaluate my game plan and adjust it as needed.
Hurdles are just obstacles that you have to maneuver. Sometimes you trip, sometimes you soar, sometimes your steps get jacked along the way, but mainly your goal is to just cross the finish line.

These days, I can't get my rear over a hurdle. I still know the fundamental skills and try to pass them on to younger generations when I get the opportunity. I have adapted to my aging body and the knowledge (well fear, really) that I would injure myself if I attempted to jump them.

So I had to learn to adapt. In track you can't walk around hurdles, you have to go over them. In life, you have lots of options. Instead of trying to force things to happen my way, I have attempted (I'm calling it an attempt because I'm not always successful) to have a more laissez faire attitude with things not going my way. By no means am I throwing in the towel, I'm just letting God take the wheel and redirect my path as needed. Missed opportunities, plans falling apart, schedules not aligning are just hurdles that are in my way to keep me safe and on the right track.

I've learned that adapting to the changes around me rather than trying to force things to stay the same or to stay where I am comfortable, normally leads to a new destination that includes learning opportunities along the journey. Trying new things and new ways has helped me not stress over change (as much).

Stagnant is when things begin to rot or smell funny to me. Even an inch forward is still movement.
Not a great ending, but my train of thought has left the station in a way, plus my writing partner wants their time in the spotlight as well.

CARNELIAN:
Motivator often used for focus realization and self-actualization. (From It's Raining Zen Stone Uses handout)
*Influence in the above article: I realized that fear is what is holding me back from a lot of stuff. Maybe I should try to jump some hurdles.
Also a stone to boost creativity.
*Influence in the above article: Well, this non-writer keeps writing....So I think it is pretty self-explanatory on how it influenced me.

Many thanks and blessings for following along on this journey.
-Erin

Finding Your Tribe

Tonight, while in bed and reflecting on the days events, it really hit me that I have found members of my tribe. No, it isn't some special club, just a special connection with specific people.
It is my experience, that you will meet people you just click with. People who you feel absolutely comfortable around and have no issues exposing those "quirks" you have.
I have a lot of quirks.
One of my quirks is anxiety that tends to make me withdraw from people before I get the chance to really know them.
So, when I find tribe members that I can get past my anxiety with and truly let ME shine, I embrace those people and those relationships.

Tonight, I did something for me. I have been feeling the pull to dance/be creative lately. I had a unique opportunity as a client reminded me earlier this week of Sauna Tap happening at one of the local dance studios. I am so glad that I went tonight. It felt good to move. It felt good to connect my energy to my creative side. It just so happens the class is taught by a beautiful soul that I consider part of my tribe.
The almost comical part of tonight was that the class tonight had a relaxation aspect to it, not just cardio.
SO, I got to do a guided meditation as part of the class too.

I'm getting sidetracked, but not too far. The point is, you can find members of your tribe anywhere you go. Sometimes the most chance encounter can lead to some of the most beautiful relationships.

Sometimes the members of your tribe are only meant to pop in for a short time. Others, they pop in and end up sticking with you through longer than you could imagine.

I have a group of "internet friends" I met over 10 years ago when planning my wedding (to my ex-husband). I have met some of them in person, some I have never met. But, we have stuck together and gone through life together. During our journey, there have been times I don't know what I would have done without them. They helped support me during some of the hardest moments of my life. They have laughed with me over the crazy antics of my kids. They have celebrated the small victories.

I have friends from high school that I don't see frequently. Lord help you if you are around when we get together though. We tend to be a loud bunch and we talk and laugh a lot.

I have a great friend that I met in school for massage therapy. A chance encounter that brought another member to my tribe.

Chances are, you have more tribe members than you really realize.
As I approach the 2nd anniversary of my father's death, I appreciate these relationships even more. Tell people you love and appreciate them. Sometimes they don't realize the impact a small action may have.

Thanks for reading. Thanks for following along of this journey.
Love and light to you on this summer solstice.

Finding the Message in Everyday

The Lord works in mysterious ways. 

Most mornings, I can be found driving my oldest to Driver's Ed (hush, I don't want to talk about it.). If you've ever been in the car with us, music is a constant. Heck, music is a constant in my life period.

Music also brings about some of the strongest emotions for me. I like when I can sing along, so I am constantly switching stations. 

But, let us talk about this morning with a brief mention of yesterday's sermon. Yesterday's sermon was all about living a Christ-centered life, not just a Christian life. Today, during my drive back to my office, I heard Rascal Flatts "Love You Out Loud" and MAN did the lyrics hit me in the feels. 

All the GOOD feels. The feels that remind me God has put me here for HIS PURPOSE. 

Lately, I have been feeling a call to something bigger than me. I'm still not sure what the end result is, but when I have these moments of "Ah Ha!", I'm not ignoring them. So let us break down some of this song as it pertains to the message I heard and what I feel I need to share. 

I have always been a little shy


I've always been the quiet type till now


And I never let my feelings show
I never let anybody know
Just how much I was so deep in love

I am not know for being extremely vocal about my faith. I tend to try to not stand out as I have anxiety that is fueled partially by social situations. I live in fear at times that people don't like me, that I'm saying stupid things, that in general I don't measure up to some invisible bar.  I have been working SO HARD lately on quieting that voice, of accepting MYSELF as I AM. God made me this way for a reason. I recently started attending a new church for convenience reasons. It is less than 5 miles from my house, the service times work for my schedule, and the music speaks to me. I find myself wanting to raise my hands in worship to His holy name because I am not worthy of the love and sacrifice that was made for a poor sinner like me. But MAN, is it amazing how loving and forgiving our Lord is. 

You keep bringing out the free in me 


What you do to my heart just makes me melt 


And I don't think I can resist




I am finding a new freedom as I embrace my faith more and more. By keeping the focus on God, I have been able to leave behind some of the luggage that weighs me down on a day to day. Experiencing God's love and opening my heart to the fullness that I have found there is awe-inspiring. So often, I have found that I try to resist what God is trying to do in my life. It is in the moments that I give up the driver's seat where I am able to find peace. I'm tired of fighting a fight that is USELESS. One of my daily prayers has been for God to help me make the right decisions to stay and/or find the path HE wants me on. Not the path I'm trying to forge for myself. By giving up this fight, while I know it won't always be easy, it will definitely be more rewarding and peaceful.


I'm gonna stand on a rooftop, climb up a mountaintop 


Baby, scream and shout 


I wanna sing it on the radio, show it on a video 


Baby, leave no doubt 
I want the whole world to know just what I'm all about


I love to love you out loud 


Which leads us to where the message rang SOO LOUD for me. A message in everyday life. A country song that isn't new. I do want to scream and shout my love for Jesus. My gratitude and thankfulness for a life that is full of love and wonderment. I want to love God out loud and share His holy name and his good works.


So that is what I'm doing this morning with this post. A piece of Internet history. 
Thank you Lord for putting me on this earth, for blessing me beyond my wildest imagination with a love that knows no bounds. Thank you for leading me to do Your work. Thanks for loving an imperfect me and allowing me to know that I am perfectly made in Your eyes.

Not My Day

The past 36 hours have been rough. I'm not going to lie. I've been cranky and crabby. I left my "zen" attitude somewhere and had a hard time finding where I left it.
People have been making me angry.

Do you find yourself in a similar situation?
Everything is trucking right along, you feel the wind might be in your sail, the road smoothed out in front of you, and then BAM! Pothole. Turbulent seas.

In these moments it is SO easy to let Satan win. To forget about all of the good in the world around you. To forget that you have the ultimate champion in your corner.

It is my experience, that when stuff isn't going my way, that when that bad day comes (as it always does), I forget how richly God has blessed me. I'm not even talking materialistic goods. I'm talking about appreciating the fact I woke up this morning. I'm standing on the right side of the grass. I'm blessed with two beautiful, though trying at time, girls who have amazing hearts. I'm part of a wonderfully supportive and connected family. God has blessed my grandparents with longevity which in turns blesses me and and my girls with a plethora of grandparents that are still physically present on this earth. And God blessed me with a husband who is an amazing provider, a man who gets me (most of the time), who pushes my buttons because he can.

When you look at all of that, it makes the trucker who stopped in the middle of the road and didn't use a  turn signal insignificant..

And maybe that is the point of this post.

Sometimes you just need to write out all the things you can be thankful for so you can see in black and white that it isn't as bad of a day as it seems.

Keep on keeping on.

The Beacon Outside My Office

I have had the experience of assisting a few individuals with a sensory awakening.  It wasn't something I planned. It wasn't something I had prior experience in.

But there is a beacon outside of my office that brings these people in the midst of crisis to my office.

This beacon is a light of welcome to these people in a world that is pummeling them energetically from all directions. Many of these people are just beginning to understand why they feel everything and are connecting the dots; they just don't know how to protect their self.

Cue the beacon. The beacon for newly discovered empaths that have absorbed too many emotions from other people.

Empaths are people with an extraordinary sensory ability to feel the emotions of other people. I assure you, this gift isn't always a welcome experience. It is one thing to feel the happiness and joy of others. It is quite another to feel overwhelming sadness, hurt, or anger of the people around you.

Many of the empaths that cross my door in a state of crisis tell me "I don't care what you do, just fix me." I then have to be the bearer of bad news and tell them "I can't fix you. BUT, I can help you fix yourself."

In my experience with empaths, the first step is to clear out the attached emotions of others. To assist the person with only having their feelings for a moment. Using reiki and crystals, I help bring a positive and pure white light of universal healing into the person in turmoil. I have also been known to smudge some sage over the person to assist in removing the negativity.

The next step is to begin teaching them how to energetically protect their self. Often, I recommend a good grounding crystal to begin with. Some people are tactile and need a physical object that they can use to protect their self. Similar to how a police office straps into a bulletproof vest, an empath straps on their black tourmaline to protect their self from negative energy.

Another technique I recommend is one that was taught to me to remove excess energy. I instruct them to hug a tree and ask the tree to remove any excess energy. To ask Mother Earth to absorb that which is not for their highest good. Now, many people express hesitance to hug a tree in the middle of their yard in front of God and everybody. For those people, I tell them even a cut piece of wood retains the ability to absorb that which you do not need. If you choose to utilize a cut piece of wood, I do not recommend burning that piece of wood in your house. It is my belief that you are then allowing that energy to permeate your home, which brings about a completely different level that can impact everyone in your home.

The other half of energetically protecting yourself that I teach people is to envision yourself in an energetic bubble. This shielding technique prevents the energy from others to attach and/or impact your self unless you allow it to. Now, this technique has a few more steps involved that I can't think of how to voice in written word as it varies from person to person. Some people are able to shield their self easily, others need further guidance and more specific instructions.

The final information I impart on new empaths is to remember, like any other new thing, you will have times you slip up. Days where you forget to shield yourself, moments where the negativity of others slips past your defenses and leech onto your energy field. The important part is to remember and focus on what emotions are yours and which belong to another.

As a side note, I believe this beacon exists at my office because God knew I would need the experience of assisting some adults and other people before I would be faced with the greater challenge of raising an empath. After a tumultuous period of time wrought with panic attacks and mayhem, I was able to piece together and recommend to one of my own children that perhaps the cause of the anxiety related to her absorbing the emotions of others. I could see the lightbulb click on in my daughter when I voiced those words. Seeing her gain the peace that comes from realizing that all of what an empath feels does not belong to them was an amazing experience for me. After such a long period of not knowing how to help my child, I finally was able to impart the wisdom that brought her peace. Praise be to the Lord Almighty for giving me the experience I needed to help her.

Raising an empath comes with a secondary level of information to pass on. I had to get into the ethical dilemma that comes from being able to sense the emotions of others. I also have to work hard to shield my own emotions from her. The last thing I want or need to do is add to the burden that comes with this gift.

A Stress Full Post

Stress is found everywhere in the environment in which you find yourself. Sometimes that environment includes living in your own mind and/or body. The quest to be better, to have more, to be as good as __ overtakes our person and before you realize it, you have lost yourself amongst the crap.

It is overwhelming to begin sorting through all the crud to try and find yourself. To find your calm in the storm of life.

There isn’t a magical formula that works for every person. My baggage looks different from yours. Yours looks different than the people around you. Yes, there are similarities. We may all have shirts in our luggage, but they aren’t the exact same.

How do you start to unpack your baggage so you can live a life without lugging stuff around everywhere you go? I can’t tell you exactly what you need to do. I can only tell you what I have done and what has worked for me.  I can tell you it isn’t an easy process and sometimes I still find myself carting my luggage around with me out of the blue. Enough introduction, lets get down to the nitty gritty.

The first step to stress-free living for me was to figure out the source of my stress. That sounds easy enough, right?  Wrong. In my quest for finding the cause, I had to evaluate a lot of different stressors. I had to examine them to see how much of the stressor was the actual thing and how much was my REACTION to the thing. How important was the thing? ACTUAL importance, not ASSUMED importance.

To continue with the luggage metaphor, was the red t-shirt really necessary for my quest? Sure, it was serviceable in that it had a purpose. But, if I left it behind somewhere, would I still be able to function?

One of the things I learned early in the process was that I put expectation on myself that I assigned as an expectation from another person.  That is a hard truth to come to. I had myself convinced that I had to keep the house very clean. That my husband EXPECTED a clean house and I was the one that needed to meet that expectation. In truth, my husband never said such a thing.  He doesn’t expect me to be the maid, to follow him sweeping up crumbs. It was an expectation and source of stress that I CREATED. That was a difficult pill to swallow. Here I am, losing my sanity and stressing the F OUT over a situation that I made myself live in.  Does that mean I live in filth and squalor these days? No. I have changed my expectation. I expect MYSELF to clean as my time and motivation allows. I have GIVEN MYSELF PERMISSION TO NOT BE PERFECT.

Can you think of a stress in your life that you have manifested?

I hear you, you want a more “fun,” more “relaxed,” easier technique to use to relieve stress.  One of the other things I started doing is meditating. 

Step 1: Forget what you expect meditation has to look like. 

I don’t sit with my legs crossed saying “ohm”.  A lot of the times when I meditate, I sit in my lawn chair or the zero gravity chair at my office (I love this chair most). Other times, I lay in bed or on my massage table.

Step 2: Close your eyes.

When you can’t see the mess around you and you can only see the backs of your eyelids/inside your head, it cuts out some of the distraction.

Step 3: Breathe.

It is amazing (and not in the good way) how many people do not use the full capacity they have to inhale oxygen.  When I say breathe as step 3, I mean REALLY breathe. Take a deep breath in, hold it a second and then slowly exhale. Exhale all of the air in your lungs.

Step 4: Focus.

Focus on your breath. FEEL the oxygen enter your lungs. FEEL the carbon dioxide leave your lungs. Don’t dissect every little noise. Just feel. Feel your breath, your heartbeat, and how your body feels on the surface you are on. Focus on things that don’t have to change.

Step 4a: Let it go.

Yes, I just quoted Elsa. Seriously, as you start this process, your over-active brain is going to go nuts. As thoughts pop in your brain, acknowledge them and set them aside.  By acknowledging, you are validating your thoughts. By letting them go, you are GIVING YOURSELF PERMISSION to take time for you.

Example: Yes, I know laundry needs to be done, but not right this second. Yes, chicken sounds good for dinner tomorrow, but right now is for me to relax. Yes, little Timmy starts basketball in three months, but that isn’t right now.

Step 5: Find what works for you.

Ignore all of these steps if that doesn’t work for you. I have guided meditations that I do sometimes because there are days where I CAN NOT SHUT MY THOUGHTS OFF.  I can’t get to that point where I can feel the layers melt away. My brain starts focusing on the process and what comes next. When this starts to happen, I Google “Quick and Easy Meditations” and pick what looks best. (Sometimes I Google for a specific type of meditation, but I digress.)

Another technique I use that ties into meditation is visualization. I have a physical place that brings me instant calm and peace. (Piasa Creek if you are interested in knowing.) The place is filled with an abundance of good memories. When I can’t physically get there, I go there mentally.  I close my eyes and visualize standing on the boat ramp, a light breeze blowing through my hair. I can smell the creek, I can feel the sun on my skin, I can hear the birds and nature sounds, and I see my dad standing next to 

me with his boat.

Basically, I focus on ALL of the different senses I can that I associate with that place. The more real I can visualize it, the more real it is. The more real it is, the more comfort I feel.

The most important thing is to find what works for you. Don’t create more stress. You will find something that works for you. 

I have faith you will find your baggage check.

Christianity and the Metaphysical and Energetic Realms- The Final Chapter

Thanks for following along with my story. I really felt led to share my thoughts and my path with the world. Even if that world is only me.
I am appreciative of the friend and client that put the bug in my brain to start writing. Writing is a medium I struggle with because many times I feel the words are not indicative of my true self or they don't sound right when I read through them.  Probably the reason I have not read through the entirety of my writing of this series until after it has been published, if even then.

Time to tie this all up and address the first word in the title of this series of posts. Christianity.

I grew up attending church pretty regularly. Most of my church experience is in the Catholic and Lutheran religion. Pretty strict, regimented forms, but I like the tradition of it all. Due to the inconvenience of driving 30 minutes to attend the Lutheran church I prefer in this area, I started attending some local non-denominational churches. Many times when I am there, the music and sermon speak directly to my soul on issues I'm struggling with.

God, religion, and church have been my refuge when I'm struggling with life. Sadly, when I'm a mess is when my attendance is best.
Funny how that works. I know God loves me, even when I'm messy. One of these days I will realize that if I put God first, not Erin, the messy life won't be so messy.

But I digress.

ALL of the parts of my story have fit together because of God. (I was going to put fate, whatever supreme being you place your belief in, but I realized this is my story. So I'm going to use the words that fit best for me.)

I believe God has blessed me with the talents I have, has led me to take the trainings I have participated in, and placed me in the locations I have been at because He KNEW I would need them to do His work and help heal others.

I believe in the work that I do because I have seen how it has helped me. How it has helped my clients. How it has formed relationships with others. Yes, at times I have questioned if this fits into my religious life and I remember how the pieces fell together effortlessly on me going to some of these trainings. I remember clients who came into my space in a state of brokenness and how the work helped them gain footing and start putting their pieces back together.

I have seen the benefit that crystal healing has done. A client came in with gallbladder issues (and others). They didn't come in for crystal work, just a normal massage. When I heard about the gallbladder issue, I asked if I could place a crystal there while I did the rest of the massage. Months later, this client still tells me how they haven't had issues since.

I have seen and felt the emotional release that came with energy work. Tears have flowed freely on my table as a client released old emotions and finally started feeling more at peace with their self.

I couldn't have done ANY of this if it was not God's will for it to happen. I'm not normally a 'bible thumper' per se, but I have felt God's guidance and presence in different sessions. I have found solutions to client issues when I was focused on other things. I have stumbled across trainings that I had never thought about taking.

And often, especially after sessions where big things have occurred, I find myself seeing how everything fit together.

I remind my daughter all the time that some of the people God used for greatness were some of the biggest sinners. The Lord knows I'm not perfect, that I am messy (inside and out), and still LOVES me. God is ALWAYS there even when I'm not sitting in church every week.

God made heaven and earth. God made crystals. God made energy. God made me. Through Him, all things are possible.

Christianity and the Metaphysical and Energetic Realms-Part 4

The fourth installment in this series moves into a much more recent time frame. 

This installment starts putting it all together. 

Mediums. Another dip into the metaphysical realm. Another area that doesn't didn't jive with my Christian upbringing. Another area that sped me down the path I am currently on.

My first brush with a medium was shortly after my dad passed. I was getting a massage in a neighboring town from a therapist who is also a medium. During the massage, she saw my goose tattoo (the one I got for my dad) and asked if I had lost him recently. The conversation that followed had me exploring new areas, awakened a new knowledge, and (with the help of a few other situations with other people) a new awareness of the world around me. Apparently, my dad had been hanging around the medium (and he wasn't one of her normal spirits hanging about), not saying anything but making feathers fall on her and then laughing about it. 

Now, if you know/knew my dad, you also know this is something he would have done. The information she passed on to me was a bit of a balm on my very shattered heart. The period of time that followed, I had some other interesting occurrences with the spirit realm. A client of mine that had a heaven visit brought a spiritual attachment back. This was one of the first times, I started to utilize my gift of sensing when spirits are present. 

This gift and the knowledge of it is still extremely new to me. To be honest, I tend to shield myself from it a lot and only access when I can't ignore it or when it is needed for healing. I still have a lot of questions about it and there is a lot I don't understand about it as well. Plus, there are ethical considerations to include as well. But again, I'm jumping ahead and skipping parts of the story.

Previously, I used the word "mediums," the plural form. This story involves a second medium, an actual session with a  medium that really opened some gates. I'm still rounding up all the pieces and seeing what I have from that as well. A local was hosting a medium that I had heard MANY good things about. I have friends and clients that have had very successful sessions with this medium. So, I sent a message to see about scheduling a session. Unfortunately, I didn't hear back and I took that sign as it just wasn't the right time.  However, it was more a lesson in patience. The week of the event, I did receive a message in return.  A spot had opened up, I didn't have any other plans, so I leaped at the opportunity. 

The session was interesting to say the very least. Issues (as I call them) were brought up and a solution presented for problems (again, as I call them) that I had never voiced aloud. The biggest was were does this skill to feel others physical/emotional pain come from. I was informed on what lineage it is in which came as a surprise. It isn't my story to tell, this person actually kept it to their self when they were alive, but I did pass the message on to the family members that needed it. One of the other messages that came through this session for me was to show myself some compassion. The medium hit the nail on the head with the message that I let others slide in areas I beat myself up in. I'm definitely still working on this, but I have noticed a vast improvement in my daily life since I started focusing on this more.  

Oh, that extrasensory skill I mentioned? You want/need to know more? 

Many of you know I'm a massage therapist and some of you have been on the receiving end of my massages. Some of my skills have been polished through continuing education, many have been brought to life in continuing education. One of the reasons I am the therapist I am is because I have learned to listen to the body. When I drop my shields (self-preservation) and scan, I can pinpoint areas of pain. During a session, especially when doing energy work, I can find areas of emotional pain and trauma. Please note, I do not access the hidden realm of a person's being without their permission. Many of my clients will tell you that they do not come into my office with the intention of sharing as much as they do.  The words just start to fall out.  Most of the time, voicing the words is what they needed in order to start healing that wound. 

It isn't easy to be able to feel as much as I do, hence the shielding. I am thankful for my massage training for teaching me how to not take on other's issues as my own. Sometimes I mess up and take other's crud, but I normally notice it before it gets too much and remove/dispel myself of the extra baggage. I'm thankful for the skillset I have been blessed with and have developed over the years. The path hasn't always been easy, nor have I always been at peace with the path, but the outcome has been worth the bumps and bruises.

I hear you, when does Christianity come in? The next, and final installment my dear reader. Christianity will be at the forefront of that post.

Christianity and the Metaphysical and Energetic Realms-Part 3

This is a post about rocks.

The next stop in my journey into the metaphysical and energetic realms involves rocks. The healing powers of crystals to be exact.

There is a little shop in Alton, Illinois that I had heard many things about and had never been. It's Raining Zen is a metaphysical/new age store that was a catalyst in my crystal healing journey. If you are ever in the area, you should definitely stop in. But, onward to the real reason I'm writing this, as a way to document and share my journey. (PS: I promise the Christianity aspect will come into play eventually. Probably not in this post, but maybe in the next and/or the final installment.

Previously I mentioned I moved to a more rural community. Part of that move meant being a couple hours away from my family, a group of people that mean the most to me. The other half of that coin means I visit the Alton area frequently. On one of these trips, I decided to swing by Zen and have a look around.

Hold on. I need to rewind this story a wee bit. In the summer of 2016, I suffered a major blow in my life. Remember that amazing family I spoke of? The one that means the most to me? That summer, I lost my dad very suddenly, very unexpectedly, and in a tragic way. The phone call I got telling me my dad was dead is one I won't forget. Moments with that level of emotion are forever ingrained into our person. I have just reached a place of peace with what I cannot change. (Reaching this point involved A LOT of work.) The week between my dad's death and his funeral is a big blur, minus my shoulder starting to hurt. My right shoulder was aching, I went and got a massage from one of my best friends (who I went to massage school with). The end result of that was being told I was in fight or flight mode and I was fighting hard. AKA: No relief in should pain. When I left the funeral home to get in my car to drive to the cemetery, I was overcome with emotional pain. I fell to my knees as I released what I was feeling inside. The benefit of this release is my shoulder stopped hurting. Through this experience, I learned I store all of my dad-related emotions in my right shoulder. So, I put a big goose tattoo on it in remembrance of my dad.

Fast forward to this initial trip to It's Raining Zen. I came across all of the crystals and some prescription cards that stated what crystals were good for what ailment. I ended up purchasing some crystals to help with my anxiety and depression as I had reached a hurdle/wall in getting back to me post-mourning the passing of my father. I also came across a book on crystal healing and opened up to a section that would help one of my empath clients.

Insert life changing moment here.

Crystals were miracle workers in my life. My anxiety and depression was more manageable. I was able to start working through the wall I had hit in my personal healing. I sought out more information, more training. I got really lucky and hit the "sale" lottery. I found an online school that was having a buy one, get one free sale on their courses. Add in they are NCBTMB certified and I have classes on crystals that count towards my requirements for my massage license. YES, PLEASE!! Oh, and throw in that I have some money available for continuing education. EVEN BETTER!!

I ended up purchasing a certification on Crystal Therapy for Bodyworkers and a certification in Crystal Reiki!  This training further expanded my knowledge and love for crystals and energy work. I have been able to expand my practice to include chakra balancing  and reiki with crystals. I have learned SOO much and have been able to apply this knowledge in both my personal and professional life. Plus, I got to add more letters behind my name. :)

Through a combination of crystal therapy and reiki, my energy healing has greatly expanded and has helped me help others.

Christianity and the Metaphysical and Energetic Realms- Part 2

In the first installment of this series on my personal journey, we left off with the amazingness that is lomi lomi.

I shared this transformational bodywork with a few clients over the period of a few years. Helping others to heal their self with lomi was a gift and a learning ground for me. During this time, I had a full-time job and massage was purely on the side for fun. I accepted a promotion at my day job that was phenomenally more stressful and with a lot more responsibilities. This caused massage to be on a VERY LIMITED back burner. Add in the stress of personal relationships changing, and not always for the better, and I had gotten away from lomi.

Depression and me have a long and complicated relationship. Additionally, my healer nature is a double edged sword. I tend to put my own needs as secondary to everyone else, especially in relationships, and this ends up fueling my depression in a sneaky, underhanded way. I don't recognize it until I'm in the trenches of it.  I want to say I'm a lot better about it now, but still not proficient. I'm a work in progress.

More life happened, my second daughter was born thus ending my day job, we relocated to a more rural area where my job was to be mom and wife. When my youngest was a little over 1, I started looking for an avenue to resume massage. Part of this journey "forced" me to find an in-person continuing education course. This path led me to discovering the healing power of Usui Reiki.

I do not ignore the initial reaction I had when I first heard of reiki. It was the same time I learned about lomi lomi. Another student in my class did their modality presentation on reiki. When I first heard about it, I though reiki sounded like a bunch of hooey. Imagine my surprise when I ended up in a Reiki I class. I was more receptive to energy work at this point in my journey. When I first learned about lomi, I didn't really know or understand the energy aspect of that modality.

Reiki took me by surprise. The first level includes 4 attunements, after which we wrote down our initial thoughts and feelings. The surprise came during the second attunement (possibly the third as I don't have my notes here with me to verify this fact). During this attunement, I was sitting in a chair with my eyes closed while the reiki master did his part behind me. No one was touching me AT ALL during this experience. I began feeling an intense pain in the middle of my back. The intensity was so severe that I began to cry and tears were streaming down my face. It was hard to sit up straight. I remember slumping forward slightly to relieve some of the pain and pressure.  Afterwards, as we were discussing our thoughts and feelings, I shared my experience. The reiki master told me to stick with it, the next attunement would be better, that before we can pour from our cup of light, we must first empty that cup of the dark/stuff that is already there.

I can attest that the other attunements were much better. The process was solidified in my mind as being 'worth the benefits that I received' and I finished the course and still practice this work today. Some of the most moving healing sessions I have completed have involved reiki. I plan to further my training in this area as time and money allows. SPOILER ALERT: I'm a reiki master in a different type of reiki that I will discuss in the next installment.

Reiki opened my soul up to this higher level of thinking and feeling. I have a hard time describing reiki to my clients because I feel so strongly about it and I don't want people to discredit the benefit energy work, such as reiki, can bring to a session.

In closing, reiki is a type of energy healing that brings universal healing energy in. Your body is capable of so much. I merely act as a vessel/conduit to help my clients receive this universal healing energy. I do not claim to be a medical doctor, the energy work I do and describe in this blog are a COMPLEMENTARY method and are not a replacement for traditional medical care. I dislike disclaimers, but felt I needed to include it in this post.

Next up: My love affair with rocks. (FYI: This is shaping up to be a 4 or 5 part journey. I'm leaning more towards 5. )

Christianity and the Metaphysical and Energetic Realms- A Multi-part Post

Hey there visitors! Rather than recreate the wheel and starting a whole new blog, I'm unearthing one from the past.
Long, lost readers of the past, this will still be my ramblings albeit a smidge more focused on things from my professional life. However, my professional and personal lives greatly overlap and are kinda one and the same.
New readers, I'm leaving the old stuff up as a testament to the brokenness found inside of all of us. Everyone has skeletons, everyone has things they are trying to stay on top of and things they are trying to work through. Even more importantly, everyone has things they are repeatedly working through that are a constant struggle.
Celebrate the victories, no matter how small. Progress is progress.
Onward and upward, time to get to the post the title suggests.

In my line of work, there are many avenues of education and focus one can take. Initially, my planned path was one of manual therapy, one that dealt in physical disfunction and the correction of those things. Life has a way of taking the best laid plans and turning them upside down.
My path into the energetic realm of massage therapy began during my college coursework for massage therapy. We were given a family tree of sorts that listed a large quantity of modalities that fall under the umbrella of massage. I have a bit of rebellious or comical nature, depending on your view, so I chose the one that sounded the most obscure. My choice was lomi lomi. Little did I know that one casual, or serendipitous, decision was going to be the fuel to my soul's purpose. I completed the assignment, got an 'A' (I'm a perfectionist when it comes to schoolwork) and started searching for training in this modality.
Fast forward through an Associate's of Applied Science in Therapeutic Massage, a national exam and one professional license later, and I was on a plane to Tampa, Florida to take a workshop on Sacred Lomi. During one of the first hands on experiences, at the completion, I felt like I was going to explode. I had sooo much energy coursing through my body and no knowledge on how to release it. The assistant teacher saw I was in distress and taught me a very effective way to release this unneeded energy.
So, I'm in Florida, hugging a palm tree, asking the earth to absorb this excess energy. I literally felt energy leaving my person like water from a faucet. I thanked the earth for the help and resumed the training.
Lomi lomi will always hold a special place in my heart for this introduction into a new level of awareness.

So, this is a lot longer than I thought. This viewpoint/story will have to continue on in a multi-part adventure.